Chapter 13: Coming to an Understanding... Sort of
(Daniel's POV)

Sam went home a while ago, right after I called Janet and asked her to drop by and now I'm waiting for the doorbell to ring while I try to figure out what I could possibly have been thinking when I volunteered to talk to Janet in the first place. Okay, so maybe I'm not really wondering seeing how I do remember that but I am wondering what caused me to believe that doing this was such a good idea, what led me to believe that I could actually handle this. My talk with Sam earlier today was hard enough and somehow I don't think Janet is going to be much easier, though it is certainly going to be very different and it is also going to require a very different approach.

I know Sam and I know she is not particularly comfortable dealing with emotions and that means that I knew from the very beginning that with her the situation had to be approached rationally... and I also knew that she needed to see that I could handle the things she was telling me, otherwise she would have immediately clammed up on me. Unfortunately in order to prove to her that I could handle what she was telling me I knew I had to keep my own emotions in check and doing that was no picnic, not by a long shot.

The good news is that, in spite of everything, I somehow managed to get her to agree to come clean and I'm hoping that will help, at least a little. I wasn't kidding when I said that I felt she couldn't go on like this for much longer but at the same time I wasn't being entirely truthful when I said that her silence is her biggest problem. The truth is that I really don't know how she is doing in terms of dealing with what happened in Simarka. From what I’ve seen I think she's doing as well as can be expected but, as Sam would undoubtedly point out, 'as well as can be expected' is a relative term... of course, I also know that for the time being that is not our most pressing concern.

Right now the most important thing is to bring under control those aspects that can be brought under control with a minimum of fuss... there will be time to tackle the other elements of this whole mess later and that is the reason why I'm about to brave the wrath of one Dr. Janet Fraiser.

I know it has to be done, I know it is probably the only way to enable Sam to break her silence, or at least it was the only one I could think of based on what I know about the military, but that doesn't mean I'm not worried... both for her safety and for my own. The fact is that Janet has a temper when she is pushed hard enough and I can't help but fear what would happen if she were to decide to shoot the messenger... especially because this time around I happen to be that messenger.

The thing is I know Janet won't be happy about what she is going to be told and there will be three possible targets for her anger: it's going to be either me, Sam or Turghan, and while Turghan is the one who truly deserves it he is not on this planet and that means it's going to be either Sam or me... and knowing Janet she is going to know better than to take it out on Sam. That effectively narrows it down to one.

I'm still trying to figure out what to say, and how to say it, when there's a knock on the door. I swallow hard before opening it. I know that once I talk to Janet there will be no turning back and the truth is that I'm about as worried as Sam about what is going to happen next, even if it is for an entirely different reason. I am not particularly worried about how Janet is going to react, I may be a little concerned for my own survival but I know she can be trusted. My problem right now is that I am most definitely worried by the fact that I am all but certain that I've bitten more than I can chew here. The one who is on the line is one of my best friends and the truth is that I'd rather gamble with my life than with someone else's.

As soon as she sees me Janet narrows her eyes and I immediately realize that she is aware that there's something wrong... so much for stalling and setting things up carefully.

"Okay, Daniel, what is it?" she asks by way of greeting, skipping the ‘pleasantries’ altogether

"What's what?"

"The reason you asked me to come here in the first place. It's not like you and you wouldn't have done it if it weren't important so..." she prods.

"First I need to know that whatever we say here won't go beyond the two of us, I need you to keep this conversation off the record, at least for now," I say, hoping to contain her for just a little bit longer.

"Why don't I like the sound of that?" she asks, even though I'm pretty sure it is a rhetorical question.

"Can you promise?"

"Have I ever told you how much I hate blind promises where I don't even know what it is that I'm promising in the first place?"

"I think you just did. It's just that I have a couple of questions I need to ask you and depending on the answers to those questions we'll see where do we go from there. If I promise not to say anything that could put you in a compromising position would you be willing to promise that this conversation won't get back to General Hammond?"

"Okay, that I can agree to," she says, rather reluctantly and I can see that she is still not happy about any of this.

"If it makes you feel any better I can tell you that chances are I won't even ask you to keep this a secret, quite the contrary, but for the time being I'd rather operate under the assumption that that secrecy is going to be necessary... at least until I know a little more about some details."

"Fair enough, I guess. So, are you going to tell me what this is all about?" she asks.

"I need to know what you would do if you were to find out that a member of an SG team deliberately kept something from the CMO and out of a report."

"Well, that would probably depend on what that something is. If it is something that could possibly compromise the safety of a team or the SGC as a whole I would be forced to report it. If it is something that does not have an impact beyond the person involved I would probably try to respect that person's wishes, though in some instances --if it is something that could have an impact at a later date-- I would have to include the appropriate information in that person's medical file and that could end up making its way back to General Hammond eventually. Either way, with very few exceptions, concealing an injury from the medical staff wouldn't be enough to get anyone in too much trouble... let's face it otherwise the SGC would have been shut down due to the fact that we would have run out of qualified personnel a very long time ago. The truth is that at times it seems to me that the prevalent mentality among my reluctant patients is 'if I'm still conscious it can't be more serious than a little scratch' so unless it is something that could have widespread consequences it wouldn't really be much of an issue."

"And what about doctor/patient confidentiality? How would that play into this? Would you have to report that something has been disclosed to you as a doctor or would it stay between you and that person?"

"Again, it would depend on what it is. Usually I try to respect my patients' privacy as much as possible but given the nature of the work we do the truth is that that is not always an option. The thing is that seeing how General Hammond has access to all pertinent files and how I can't black out part of them, adding something to those files without informing the general could end up doing more harm than good... especially if it is something that should have been reported in the first place. Have you been keeping something from me, Daniel, something I should have been told about?"

"Me? No, I haven't," I say, thankful for the fact that I don’t really have to lie about that.

"But you know someone who has, don't you?" she asks, narrowing her eyes and I get the funny feeling that she is about to move in for the kill.

"Not exactly," I say, trying to stall her for a little bit longer as I wonder when I lost control of this encounter. Come to think of it maybe I should be wondering if I was ever in control of it in the first place.

"So, are you going to tell me what this is all about?" she pushes.

"I can't tell you, not yet. I did promise you that I wouldn’t say anything that could possibly leave you in an untenable position here and that is one promise I intend to keep."

"So why did you ask me to come here in the first place?"

"Because I had to know where we stand and I'm no expert on military procedure, especially not when it comes to medical issues. That and the fact that we may need your help here but at the same time I don't want to compromise you by telling you something you may feel the need to report back to the general... especially because I also promised someone else that this whole thing would be handled discreetly."

"Why don't you let me worry about General Hammond? If there is a problem that requires a doctor I need to know about it," she says, glaring at me.

"It's not so simple... though I can tell you that even though there is something going on, it does not represent a medical emergency."

"Daniel, what's going on here?" she asks and I can see that she is just about out of patience.

"I..." I begin but then I trail off as I realize that I'm stuck. I’m not ready to tell Janet the truth, not yet, but I can't lie to her either.

"Sam was raped in Simarka, wasn't she?" asks Janet narrowing her eyes after thinking things over for a few seconds.

"What? How did you...?"

"Well, it wasn't that difficult to figure it out... all I had to do was split hairs with your words to try and figure out what you weren't telling me. You are here talking to me about what would happen if someone were to conceal something from the CMO --and I'm assuming you don't mean a little scratch-- but when I asked you you said that you haven't been keeping anything from me. That basically narrowed it down to the three remaining members of SG-1, that was my first clue. On top of that there was the fact that you told me that whatever it is it is not a medical emergency and therefore it could just as easily be something that isn't really a new development. Finally when I asked you if it was someone else who had been keeping something from me your answer to that question was 'not exactly' when the fact is that it either is or isn't... or at least that is what it would have seemed at first glance. The only way for that to be a 'not exactly' would be if someone had been deliberately keeping something off the record since before I joined the SGC, therefore it would be something that hasn’t been kept from me but rather from the CMO as a more general figure.

"That served to narrow things down even further, in fact it narrowed them down to a little more than a month and barely a handful of missions, and in all but one of those missions the team had mostly stayed together. You sounded too nervous for whatever it was to be the result of a situation in which the whole team had been compromised and the fact that you sounded fairly certain that it wasn't something that could compromise the base's security was another factor. In addition to that there is the fact that if Colonel O'Neill had been aware of whatever the problem is I seriously doubt you would have found it necessary to come to me in secret and ask me about medical procedure in the military... or about the status of doctor/patient confidentiality. In fact that was yet another clue because it suggested to me that it had to be something where that confidentiality would have played a significant role in the first place. Anyway, since I had already pretty much ruled out Colonel O'Neill, that meant that whatever it was it was something that was confined to the party involved and that party was likely to be either Sam or Teal'c. Somehow I didn't think Teal'c was a likely candidate so I focused on the only remaining possibility... and from there on the answer was obvious.

"The only instance in which the team had been separated for any length of time in those early missions had been in Simarka when Sam had actually been sold to a warlord. In other words that was one mission I already knew had come pretty close to disaster, especially for her. I have read Dr. Warner's report concerning the extent of the damage to Sam's back so it wasn't like she had been keeping her injuries a secret... and I have to admit that after reading that report I couldn't help but think that Dr. Warner should have done more to rule out the possibility of a sexual assault at the time. It was something that was already in the back of my mind and your efforts to talk around the issue just confirmed my suspicions."

"Is she in trouble?" I ask, more than a little worried. I really should have foreseen the possibility of Janet playing Sherlock Holmes on me, after all, I've seen her piecing together a medical mystery more than once and I should have realized that in her mind that's what this was going to be: a medical mystery involving one of her patients.

"No, she is not in trouble but you on the other hand... how long have you known about this?"

"I've known that there was something bothering her for a couple of weeks now, though at first I wasn't entirely sure of just what it was. I asked her outright about it while we were off-world yesterday and we talked things through last night. This morning I asked her if it would be okay for me to talk to you though I did promise not to say anything if there was any chance at all that she could end up getting in trouble for it. That's when I called you."

"Well, you didn't exactly say anything, I figured it out on my own so I guess you are in the clear in that regard. So you really haven't been covering for her?"

"No, but I would have if she had asked me to. The thing is that I don't know how to help her and I'm worried."

"And you think I do? This is a little out of my area of expertise. I'm a military doctor and she's my friend!"

"I know it's not your area of expertise, the problem is that since this whole thing is mission-related and she's been keeping it quiet there's no way for her to ask for help in the first place and that is something that has to change."

"Okay, we are still talking Sam here, aren't we? Because I've got to tell you that there is something very wrong when you use the words 'Sam' and 'ask for help' in the same sentence. I agree that she should seek help but I don't think she's going to do it... and I don't think ordering her to get help is going to do much good either, not when she's smart enough to mess with any test a psychologist could throw at her... and I still don't understand what you want me to do about any of this."

"Well, this is kind of the part where you could end up being compromised," I say, knowing that there's no backing out now so I have no choice but to move forward.

"What are you thinking?"

"Sam is worried about what the consequences would be if she were to come forward now, after so long, and I wanted to ask you something. From what I've read it's standard procedure to have female personnel handle rape cases, is that true?"

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"Well, as you know back when this whole thing went down Dr. Warner was temporarily in charge of the infirmary and not just in charge of surgery, right?"

"Yes, so?"

"So, would the absence of female personnel be considered relevant enough to justify Sam's decision not to say anything, at least in the eyes of the military?"

"Perhaps at first it could be described almost as an instinctive reaction for her to distrust Dr. Warner because of his gender at a time when she was already deeply traumatized but her silence since then is going to be far more difficult to explain,” she says. “The thing is that while I don't think Sam is likely to get in too much trouble for failing to disclose the rape to the medical personnel at the time, the real problem is going to be the fact that she lied on her mission report and what's worse she failed to disclose something that could be described as enemy activity."

"But would it be considered 'enemy activity'? After all, the status of alien cultures other than the Goa'uld is not exactly clear in that regard so that would be open for debate, wouldn't it?"

"That would be walking a very fine line," Janet points out.

"Maybe but with a little luck a fine line is all we would need. I mean, how about saying that she kept silent at first as a result of a knee-jerk reaction and that then she didn't say anything for fear of getting in trouble due to the fact that she had already kept it a secret in the first place? Would that be enough to keep her out of trouble? After all, she can't be accused of failing to follow procedure if the cause of that failure can be traced back to an earlier failure that can be attributed to the SGC itself, can she?"

"You may be right about that but I have to say that your explanation is not all that believable, not coming from Sam anyway. It could work, I'm not denying that, however I'm not buying it."

"I don't expect you to, all I'm asking is if it would be enough to give General Hammond an excuse not to come down on her too harshly."

"Yes, it would probably be enough to allow him to let her off the hook but I'm not sure he would... as far as excuses go that one is pretty flimsy. So, care to tell me the real reason why she did something so incredibly stupid?"

"Well, Dr. Warner was part of the problem but mostly she kept quiet because it was too early in the team's history and she was worried that if General Hammond had been told about it he would have pulled her from the team for her own safety."

"Okay, that does sound like Sam. So, how is she really doing?"

"It's hard to tell. She seems to be doing fine in some aspects but at the same time she's worried about some of the details of what happened, she is having some trouble sleeping, she's not particularly happy with the idea of coming forward and I think the pressure is really starting to get to her though she's doing her best to hide it."

"I can imagine. Playing the good soldier to the bitter end, even if it kills her," mutters Janet, sounding resigned but far less than impressed.

"You could say that. The thing is that she can't go on keeping this a secret and I was kind of wondering..."

"You were wondering if it would be possible for me as CMO to disclose this information to General Hammond in such a way that it doesn't look like she's been lying through her teeth to keep herself from being kicked out of SG-1 even though that's exactly what she's been doing?"

"Well, I wouldn't have phrased it quite like that but basically, yes. Right now Sam feels she can't come forward and the fear that this will come out seems to be the one thing that worries her the most. She may not be particularly eager to get help but..."

"But maybe if Hammond were to be informed of this situation that would help alleviate the pressure somehow?"

"That’s the general idea," I admit.

"In other words, you want me to volunteer to be the one to tell him, don't you?"

"Well, you are the CMO and one of Sam's closest friends so it would make sense."

"If we are such good friends then why the hell didn't she say something about this?"

"Don't take it personally."

"'Don't take it personally', he says, how the hell am I supposed to take it?" grumbles Janet and I’m getting worried here. Two 'hells' in two questions are not a good sign and I know it.

"I don't know, all I know is that right now she needs our help," I say, trying to defuse the situation.

"Okay, I'll help her but I want to talk to her before I talk to Hammond. I need to know how she's handling this if I'm going to cover for her."

"I thought you might."

"Do you know where she is?"

"She went home a couple of hours ago."

"A couple of hours ago?"

"Yes, she kind of spent the night here. I didn't want her to be alone if she had a nightmare so I took the couch."

"So, when you say she's having some trouble sleeping you mean she's having a lot of trouble sleeping, don't you?"

"That and the fact that I know what it's like to wake up from a nightmare and to know that there's no one there. I know what it’s like to be unable to get it out of your head for hours on end, it's not something I'd wish on my enemies and it's certainly not something I'd wish on my friends," I admit.

"You are a good friend, Daniel, but if we are going to help her we are going to have to work together, so why don't you tell me how she's doing? And don’t try to protect her from me,” she warns me before I can say a single word. “I need to know if I’m going to go along with this plan."

"I'm not really sure. From what I've seen so far I think she's exhausted, terrified at the thought that the fact that she kept this a secret is going to come out somehow and that as a result she'll lose her place in SG-1, stressed out and blaming herself... at least to some extent," I say, hoping that I'm not making a mistake here.

"She's blaming herself?" asks Janet.

"Well, maybe not so much blaming herself but she keeps trying to come up with all kinds of scenarios of things she might have done differently that would have led to a different outcome, like if she hadn't challenged Turghan in the first place maybe she would have been fine and so on," I explain.

"You do realize that that's not a good sign, don't you?"

"Come on, Janet, it's perfectly normal."

"No, it's not."

"She doesn't seem to be obsessed with it, if that's what you are worried about," I insist, "and it's a natural reaction. Do you have any idea of how many hours I've spent going over possible 'what if' scenarios in my mind concerning Sha're?"

"I'll be the judge of that... and if she is in trouble I will recommend counseling."

"With MacKenzie?" I challenge her. "That's not what she needs and you know she's smart enough to defeat any test that he could possibly try to force on her, you said so yourself. She may not have the background in psychology to lead to an entirely false result if MacKenzie actually knows what he's looking for but she wouldn't have too much trouble mixing her answers so that his results are inconclusive to say the least... and after seven months of reading and researching I suspect she would be more than capable of telling MacKenzie exactly what he wants to hear. Let's face it, she's had over half a dozen mandatory sessions with him as a result of our experiences off-world in the past seven months --including one right after Simarka where he cleared her for duty and one in which she actually allowed him to hypnotize her-- and the man's never even suspected that there was something wrong with her in the first place. Besides, even if she doesn't have the knowledge to pull it off right now, and I'm not convinced that she doesn't, she is a quick study and trying to force her to talk to someone she doesn't trust would be one heck of a motivation."

"I know MacKenzie is not an ideal option under the circumstances but..."

"But the fact remains that he is the only option for SGC personnel and you know it. That means we have to come up with another way to help her somehow... one she won't be fighting every step of the way because that would almost certainly end up causing more harm than good. It would only serve to add to the stress she's under. I mean, I know both you and General Hammond have the authority to order her to see MacKenzie but the fact is that neither one of you have the power to get her to trust him."

"Let me talk to Sam first and then we'll see, okay? If there are no red flags I'll see what I can do to come up with an alternative," says Janet and I know that's the most I'm going to get out of her in that regard.

"You are not going to be too hard on her, are you?" I ask, knowing that Janet is not a happy camper right now and also somewhat worried by the fact that I ended up telling her a lot more than I was supposed to.

"She's my friend too, Daniel, you don't have to protect her from me... but would it make you feel better if I were to promise that if I beat her to a bloody pulp for pulling this stunt on me, I'll patch her up real good afterwards?"

Somehow I don’t find that thought to be particularly comforting... not by a long shot.