Chapter 36
(Adama's POV)

"Now that is enough, both of you. This is not about who is to blame," I interrupt them, taken somewhat aback by Lee's 'confession'. Sure, I was aware of what his position prior to our return to New Caprica had been but I really wasn't expecting such an outpour of guilt.

"But..."

"I said enough. Yes, it's true that as soon as the cylon fleet appeared we jumped away and it's true that it took us four months to go back, there's no denying that, but leaving wasn't your decision, it was mine, to say nothing of the fact that at the time that was our only choice," I remind him. "Sure, by jumping away when we did we left the colonists to their own devices but --as you said-- two battlestars would have been no match for the cylon fleet. We had no real means to defend our position so we did the only thing we could do if we wanted to live to fight another day. That was my top priority. After all, if we had allowed ourselves to be killed in a foolhardy attempt to make a stand back then we would have effectively doomed everyone on the ground."

"How can you say that?" asks Lee, glaring at me.

"I can say it because it's true. Leaving New Caprica when we did was not an easy decision for me to make and it's certainly not one I am proud of but it was necessary," I insist before going on. "Command is not about having the power to do what you want to do, son, it's about having the strength to do what has to be done regardless of how painful it may be and the bottom line is that if both the 'Galactica' and the 'Pegasus' had been destroyed when the cylons first showed up that would have been it. In fact even when we went back four months later the odds were stacked heavily against us and we knew there would be no second chances. That's why I told you to stay behind in the first place... not that it did me much good."

"Wait, you told him to stay behind?" asks Kara, who obviously hadn't even tried to figure out the details of what had happened during the exodus from New Caprica, a lack of interest that serves as a painful reminder of what her frame of mind had been like since then... and of how much I failed to notice.

"Yes. Even though by then we had an idea as to what the situation on the ground was like and we had an inkling as to what it was that we would be jumping into --and even though having the 'Pegasus' there would certainly have improved our odds-- the risk was just too great. There were no guarantees that our rescue attempt would be successful so leaving the fleet completely unprotected was not an option, or it shouldn't have been," I explain before going on.

"As for the four months it took us to go back in the first place, well, that was due mostly to the fact that that was how long it took Saul and the resistance to contact us. Any attempt to go back before that contact hat been made would have been suicidal and you know it. We were up against a superior force and we needed the resistance to work in tandem with us to create a diversion, not to mention that time wasn't on our side so we needed the colonists as a whole to be ready to get out of there fast."

"That is no excuse, I..." Lee begins but I interrupt him.

"But in the end you did go back, even if that meant defying a direct order and you sacrificed your own ship to do it. You went back in spite of the fact that by doing so you were jeopardizing the survival of the remainder of the fleet."

"The fleet?" asks Kara, who apparently is still struggling to piece the events together in her mind.

"Yes. Even though the 'Pegasus' had left her vipers and some of her raptors behind, if something had gone wrong and both battlestars had been lost, then whatever was left of the fleet wouldn't have stood a chance," I explain before turning my attention back to my son. "As for what you said before we went back, I know you were against my decision and yes, in hindsight I think it is safe to say that going back was the right thing to do but at the time we didn't know that. At the time we didn't have the benefit of 'hindsight' and yours was an opinion that deserved to be heard. Besides, regardless of what you said, when the time came for you to act --when it really mattered-- you did what had to be done and you did it in spite of the cost and in spite of your own misgivings. That is the only thing that counts. As for the question of who is to blame, my first choice would be 'the cylons' and if that is not good enough for you then you may want to consider Baltar."

"That's not what I..." Lee says but I cut him off.

"I know, son, but now is not the time for us to get into that," I remind him, realizing just how exhausted Kara is looking and knowing that this latest argument is not going to add anything to what has already been said here.

"But..." Kara tries to protest but I interrupt her.

"Oh, don't worry, we will talk about it later --believe me, this is not over-- but right now you are tired, you are still recovering and I think you've had about as much 'excitement' for one day as you can take," I say, reaching for her hand and kissing her forehead in a gesture that I hope will put an end to this, at least for the time being... and maybe, if I'm lucky, buy me some time to at least try to digest everything I've learned here today.