Chapter 20
(Adama's POV)

I have to say that this whole situation is beyond awkward.

We are right outside of sickbay and I can definitely see why Cottle said that he needed someone to run interference for him. Honestly, I didn't really expect it to be this bad but we have only been out here for about a minute and in that time I have already found myself glaring at at least half a dozen people, silently warning them to keep their distance... and I suspect that that is only going to get worse as word of this little adventure spreads throughout the ship.

Luckily this particular excursion will only last a couple of minutes so I'm hoping that we will be back to the relative safety of sickbay long before her friends actually hear about it but at the same time I know this is far from a one time deal. I know these exercises are likely to become a regular part of our routine for at least the next few days, and the bottom line is that while today we may be able to get off relatively easy, that won't always be the case... especially not considering that these walks are only going to get longer as Kara regains her strength.

The problem is that I know her well enough to know how much she hates showing signs of weakness and I can only imagine how uncomfortable she must be feeling right now, with those 'weaknesses' virtually on display... to say nothing of the fact that it is pretty apparent that she is still in a considerable amount of pain.

Oh, she hasn't really said anything about it but I can tell... not to mention that I can also remember how it felt to be where she is. After all, I was myself in that position after being shot and I have to say that it was anything but fun. I remember that the sudden weakness was... disconcerting, to say the least. True, on a rational level I could understand why my body felt like it did and I knew it was only a matter of time before things got better but at the same time the whole experience was incredibly frustrating. It was as if all of a sudden my body had become a stranger, a stranger I couldn't really trust... and Kara is not only younger than I am but she is also a far more physical person than I've ever been so I can only imagine how much harder it must be for her to try to come to terms with those changes.

Sure, the nature of her injuries is completely different but in the end that doesn't really matter because, when all is said and done, pain is still pain and weakness is still weakness... to say nothing of the fact that Kara has never been the most patient of patients.

She has always pushed herself way too hard and she doesn't know when to quit... something that under the circumstances could turn out to be either a blessing or a curse. She is certainly going to need that determination if she is going to overcome this, I know that much, but at the same time there is also the risk that that determination will cause her to keep on trying.

Oh, I know she has promised me that she won't but at the same time I am almost painfully aware of the fact that that is one promise she may not be in a position to keep... especially not considering that, if Cottle is right, she never really planned this in the first place. That is the part I can't afford to forget.

Her wounds may have been self-inflicted but that doesn't necessarily mean that there was a great deal of thought behind her actions... and what I can't stop thinking about is just how serious those wounds were, how close I came to losing her to herself... a fact I am reminded of with each and every step we take here.

Hell, going by how much of her weight I am currently supporting I can tell that she is having a hard time just trying to put one foot in front of the other while she holds onto her IV stand for dear life with one hand and to my shoulder with the other.

In fact that 'holding on for dear life' is part of the problem because while I know that at least for the time being she needs my help, there is no denying that in these last couple of days I have found myself being ridiculously aware of even the smallest contact that passes between us, fearing that my touch may be unwelcome... and that is particularly true after what happened with Sam.

The last thing I want to do here is to make this any harder for her than it absolutely has to be but at the same time right now my choices are rather limited in that regard because I know there is no way she can do this without some support... and I do mean some physical support.

The truth is that, as stupid as it seems, I didn't even realize until I was helping her out of that bed that that was going to be an issue, and by then it was already too late for me to back down, so here I am, with my arm wrapped around her waist as I help her take her first few hesitant steps.

The problem is that, of all the things I could never have anticipated, the idea that I would someday have to come to terms with the notion that my daughter has been raped was pretty high on the list... especially because, even after Zak's death, I always thought of myself as a man with two sons. Kara was a surprise, one that plopped into my life unexpectedly, fully grown and totally unannounced.

She is my daughter but at the same time I know I am not her father, at least not in the biological sense of the word, and that is precisely the problem here.

I wonder if Cottle knew I was going to have a hard time with this particular aspect of things. Somehow I suspect he did. In fact, I suspect that he deliberately planned the whole thing for some reason, even if I'm still not sure why.

I remember having the gut feeling that he was up to something while I was talking to him earlier, I remember feeling that he had something up his sleeve, but in the end, seeing how I couldn't quite figure out what that 'something' could possibly be and how what he was saying about the need to get Kara out of that bed actually made sense, I just chucked it all to a healthy dose of paranoia... honestly, what could I possibly have been thinking? I mean, I've known the man for years and I really should have known better than that.

He can be a manipulative son of a bitch when he wants to be... and he usually wants to be.

Oh, he is an excellent doctor and I don't question neither his skills nor his intentions... hell, I don't even want to imagine where the fleet would be without him. In fact I am fairly certain that without him I wouldn't even be here and chances are that neither would Kara. The man has an uncanny ability to perform medical miracles with next to nothing --and, seeing how what we have is next to nothing, that is what makes him so valuable-- but at the same time... at the same time he is still a manipulative son of a bitch who can outfox a fox and that in turn is probably one of the main reasons why I am currently out here, not that I have a reason to object... at least not as long as Kara is okay with my presence.

That is the key element here because as long as that is the case everything else is my problem.

Hell, I may be feeling more than a little uncomfortable with this whole arrangement but I also know I still have a very long way to go if I ever want to make amends for the way I treated her in that rec room and if my presence and support can serve to reassure her in some small way of the fact that I am here for her then I'm going to do it, even if I know I am completely out of my depth.

Oh, I am certainly not kidding myself in that regard. I know how high the stakes are and I also know I can't afford to make a mistake but at the same time I am all too aware of just how easy it would be for me to do just that. After all, no one sets out to 'deliberately make a mistake', at least not honestly, and that is precisely what makes my current position so frakking tricky... so frakking terrifying.