Chapter 12
(Adama's POV)

I'm sitting with Kara, going over yet another pointless report in what seems to be an endless list of pointless reports when I hear a soft moan coming from the bed. It's not much but it is the first real sign of life I've seen in these past four days and as such it is incredibly reassuring. Of course, almost as soon as she begins to stir Kara is already reaching for the cannula under her nose so I grab her hand.

"Hey, don't do that," I say, as gently as I can.

"'urts," she whimpers.

"I know."

"what hppn'd?"

"You don't remember?"

"no... tired."

"Then sleep," I say, knowing that now is not the time for us to be getting into it.

"don't go," she whispers as she drifts off.

"I'm not going anywhere," I promise, not quite believing that she didn't kick me out as soon as she was able to form a semi-coherent thought here, not quite believing that --in spite of everything-- she is still squeezing my hand back and shows no inclination to let go of it any time soon.

True, she was still pretty out of it, she never even opened her eyes and I'm not sure she knew who I was but this was still more than I had dared to hope for and for the time being I just let the relief wash over me.

I am still holding Kara's hand when Cottle walks into her 'room'.

"So, do I need a crowbar?" he asks as he approaches the bed to check on her.

"She woke up. It was only for a few seconds but..."

"It was about damned time," he mutters.

"I know, you told us yesterday that she would probably start coming around sometime today but..."

"Did she say anything?"

"Not much, just that it hurt, she asked me what had happened and then said she was tired... she also asked me not to leave."

"In other words, if I want you out of here I'm really going to need that crowbar," he says, shaking his head. "Don't worry, Anders next visit is still hours away so, as long as you promise to keep her calm, you can stay."

"Thanks."

A couple of hours later Kara stirs again and this time around she actually manages to open her eyes and I can see her trying to take in her surroundings before turning to me... and this time around there is no doubt in my mind as to the fact that she knows who I am. As reassuring as her new awareness is, in a way it is also a terrifying prospect.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask, not sure of my welcome.

"Sore," she grimaces, licking her lips as she struggles to find a more comfortable position without much success.

"Do you remember what happened?" I prod and even though she just looks away at that, the look in her eyes is enough for me to realize that she does.

"Why, Kara?" I ask, unable to help myself, putting my finger under her chin and turning her face. I know that me questioning her is probably the last thing she needs right now but the truth is that I just can't help myself. I need some answers and I need them now.

"No escape... no way out," she whispers, still refusing to meet my eyes.

"But you are safe now, you got away," I remind her, suddenly unsure of whether or not she is fully aware of where she is and what is going on around her, but she just shakes her head at that.

"What is it?" I insist, starting to get worried when she doesn't respond. To say that this is not going as I had been hoping it would would be a gross understatement... and considering the fact that I really didn't have a frakking clue as to what to expect in the first place, that is saying something.

"It's just that..." she trails off.

"Just that what?" I prod, even though I know I shouldn't. I know she is still more than a little disoriented and I am well aware that I'm not playing fair here but at the same time I have no choice, not really. The way I see it we need to know what we are dealing with if we want to avoid a repeat performance and I know Kara well enough to know that if we were to give her half a chance to rebuild her defenses we would never get a straight answer out of her... and that means that our best bet is to pounce on her current 'weakness'.

"Back on New Caprica I... I kept telling myself that..."

"That what?"

"That if only I could hold on until you came back everything would be just fine, that if only I could hold on until we made it out of that frakking rock things would go back to the way they used to be but they didn't... and they won't," she finally admits, not even trying to fight the tears. It sounds so simple but it still takes a few seconds for the full meaning of those words to sink in. We were the hope she held on to for those four months --I was-- and as soon as she got back the first thing I did was dash it. That was what pushed her over the edge.

I am still trying to digest that one when she goes on.

"... can't forget... can't fly... can't sleep... always afraid... nothing's like it's supposed to be. I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted it all to go away."

"Hey, it's going to be fine," I lie to her, even though I know things are nowhere near okay but getting worried by how upset she is getting here. I know that letting my curiosity get the best of me was probably not the wisest thing I could have done, not to mention that I always knew that trying to question her under the current circumstances was a gamble, but the truth is that after these past few days I just had to get myself some answers. The problem is that now we are starting to move into dangerous territory, we are fast approaching the point where her telling me anything else would probably come back to haunt us and that is not a chance I'm willing to take, not with the stakes being as high as they are.

"No, it won't... you don't know what he... what he... and I keep seeing him..." she says, getting more and more agitated by the second.

"Shh, don't think about it. Right now you should just concentrate on getting better. That's the only thing that matters," I tell her, trying desperately to get her to stop talking, especially because I get the feeling that if she were to finish that thought she would really regret it later, not to mention that I know the stress can't possibly be good for her. I know that even talking right now is painful so it doesn't take a genius to figure out that hyperventilating is not going to do her much good... to say nothing of the fact that upsetting her would probably cause Cottle to kick me out of here in a heartbeat and that is the last thing I need.