And th Sun Will Lead Me Home Again
I'm walking through the jungle and instinctively I know where I'm going. I'm headed for the waterfall knowing that the one I seek will be waiting for me there. When I finally reach my destination I'm not surprised to see a snow leopard basking in the sun. The magnificent beast seems to be perfectly content just laying there, transfixed by the colors that seem to surround the waterfall as the tiny droplets break down the light like a million prisms. As soon as it sees me approach it gets up and it morphs into Spike.
"Is it time?" He asks, and I can't help but notice that his usual cockiness is gone and there's a sadness in his voice I had never heard before.
"Only if you want it to be."
"What do you mean 'if I want it to be'? It's meant to be and you know it just like I do."
"Yes, well... someone refuses to let the Powers write the script this time around."
"Can you blame her? After what she's been through?"
"You are happy here."
"The sun is so beautiful... I can walk in its light without fear, but that's not all. I'm here, all of me... not just the soul."
"The demon made it?"
"The demon made it."
"And for the first time in over a hundred years you've found peace."
"And to go back would mean giving it up."
"It's your choice."
"Is it? I know my duty but I don't know if I can go back to the shadows, to being neither man nor demon. Here I have peace, I am complete, I am home and now I'm being asked to willingly give it all up."
"Would it have been easier if someone had made the decision for you?"
"Maybe... at least it would have given me someone to blame. For a long time she blamed the witch --not that she ever confronted her about it. She hated the witch and she hated me but most of all she hated herself... and I used that."
"What, the watcher's blindness doesn't run in the family? 'Cause he did a great job of not seeing what was happening right in front of him... they all did. Even after they found out where she'd been they were all so eager to believe that everything would be just fine, that things would work themselves out on their own. She was falling apart and they basically left her in the hands of a demon."
"I love my father, and he certainly loves Buffy but sometimes he does tend to get slapped by those facts that are not presented to him in a familiar format... and a familiar format usually translates into a book with at least two centuries worth of dust."
"He's gotten better though."
"You have no idea."
"What do you mean?"
"Might have beens, it doesn't really matter."
"Something happened that we never knew about, didn't it?"
"No, it almost happened but it never did."
"Another disaster averted? Another almost apocalypse the world will never hear about?"
"Hopefully it wouldn't have come to that. More of a personal intervention in the nick of time than a world saving rescue, I think."
"My dad almost left... literally."
"Shortly after he found out where Buffy had been. He said she was leaning on him too much but I think he was terrified of losing her again. He was so afraid of making a mistake that he almost made the biggest one of them all."
"And you got him to stay."
"No, I just reminded him of what he already knew. I don't think he ever told Buffy about it though."
"You know? You are not so bad, shaman."
"Thanks, but that's not why I'm here and you know it."
"You are here to bring me back."
"No, I'm here to ask you if you want to be brought back."
"Does she want me back?"
" Yes, she does but more than that she wants you to be happy. She also asked me to give you a message no matter what you decide."
"She wanted you to know that she did mean it. She said you didn't believe her but she did. She wanted me to tell you that even if there was no way to bring you back, which there is. She wasn't really clear about what she was talking about, she just said that you'd understand."
"So do you know what you want to do?"
"I'll renounce the gift I've been given. I'll go back... for her, for now, but now... now I know one thing."
"I know that she's my light and when she's gone the sun will lead me home again."